My Boss is Hot

I've evolved, quite a bit actually. One might even say I've Matured significantly, the proof is mainly in my enunciation of the word "matured", see you silly youth's pronounce it "ma-chur-ed" and I: being the distinguished gentleman and poser Englishman I am, pronounce it "Ma-toor-ed". My new found grasp on the Kings English has been most beneficial in my social evolution, I almost don't remember that fumbling half wit I once was. As an Aa-dult (not Adult) I am seldom lost for words, I mostly know exactly what I want to say without the use of popular Teenage idioms now.

HA! listen to that^ guy, he's got it all figured out huh? I bet this^ turd probably typed that entire paragraph with his pinkie finger pointed up and outwards like some sort of Regal Columnist for the Snickerton Gazette. What I meant was that my shit is mostly together enough to form a couple lucky sentences when speaking with someone. I don't stumble on my words or pee my pants anymore at the site of a pretty lady like I did as a young man, I am however; still a Machine fueled by the attention of beautiful Women, that hasn't changed, I've just become a little more subtle about it over the years.

I'd say a good 90% of my everyday actions are aimed towards gaining the favor of our pretty gender counterparts. I split the remaining 10% pursuing fried foods and naps, in case you were wondering. Even with a large allotment of time committed to being charming I often find myself doing the weirdest things to foil my efforts with "The Hot Babes", I once told a 3 minute story about Larry Bird upon being approached by an attractive young lady at the gym who asked "hey you bring your own ball huh? you must play allot of hoops" who does that?

That story is a prime example of how I can sometimes be totally confident in my social skills but uncomfortable enough in my surroundings to pick the absolute worst subject matter. I'm Pretty sure ZERO children have been conceived with an assist from random factoids freshly plucked from an interesting 60 Minutes story or Animal Planet special.

"Say Karen; how did you meet your Husband?" Oh, He was telling me the most interesting things about Giraffes and one thing lead to another...

The surroundings are Key for me, your probably getting the best Tim experience when I am comfortable and confident where I am, and that place has always been the workplace. I'm the King of balancing precisely atop the fence between Business Casual, and professionally personal. In Fact, I own that Fence! I purchased it at a discount; transported it, and constructed it around the small storage shed where I keep all my cute jokes. So ya, it's quite easy for me to be enjoyable at a 9-5 pace, not only enjoyable, but pretty cool too, almost Fonziesque. (side note: I once repaired a Microwave with a backwards kick and elbow thrust)

Ugh! what was I getting at here? I rambled a bit excessively on this one. So my Boss is pretty damn Hot, smoking hot if you will. In a nutshell I'm normally a pretty cool customer at work, but this Girl is really fucking my shit up! The overall package of GAWD DAMN she has going on is enough to bother any dude, the hypnotizing Ass and playful smile just seem like a bit too much, almost a sensory overload.

I wish her physical attributes were the most distracting, sadly they are not. Within the first week on the job I noticed she used several "Tim-isms" which are quirky things I thought were specific to me, For example: she sometimes makes Karate noises like "Hee-Ya" while reaching for things, sometimes she does actual karate moves which are equally amusing, She also starts allot of her conversations with "so...". Those small things grabbed my attention early on, and Her Encyclopedic knowledge of Classic Rock songs and spontaneous dancing are what have kept this guy captivated for quite some time now. So captivated and interested that I'm often thinking "Durr She's Hot" instead of silly retorts, and that's very rare because I love my retorts.

Being the highly evolved social creature I am there is something to be said about someone making me regress into a Brain damaged Cave man. It's weird that I am only now writing something about it, I've never waited so long to share epic happenings in my life. My full attention may be elsewhere now, but I wouldn't be honest with myself if I didn't credit the Boss Lady with being a fun distraction in a large part of my day.