Whoa, easy Trotsee, slow it down, called Diana with a sharp command and firm pull on the reins, let's stop here for a spell, Momma needs to re-glitter before we nab Curly Bill and that posse of his. Heeding his riders command Trotsee slowed and casually traveled off the dirt trail using the two beat gait which assuredly inspired his lovable name. Nice weather we're getting tonight, commented Diana in between sparkle applications, reckon we're in for rain though, Reckon so Trotsee? While her loyal prairie companion was a stable ride; he was not much in the way of conversation. During the all too frequent rests a Shetland required Diana would often find their dialogue a little lacking, almost one sided, But it never stopped her from mission briefing her short legged deputy. Now remember Trotsee when we get to Raccoon City keep your eyes fixed for Bill or any of his gunmen, these aren't our everyday pocketbook lifters, these boys are real troublesome Varmints, they are all crooked as a Dog's Hind Legs and mean enough to hunt Bears with a Hickory Switch. Diane always had a clever quip to kick start a manhunt and she had no reservations about sharing them with an oblivious Pony. Well let's hit the trail pal, giddy-up Ya Ya shouted Diana as the two Lawmen disappeared in the shade of a setting sun.
DIANA MOON GLAMPERS!!!!!! what in the hell are you doing? upon receiving no response Susanne angrily tied the fabric belt around her cashmere robe and took 3 purposeful steps down the tastefully decorated hallway of the Glampers Estate, I say again, Diana what the hell are you doing? it is Three Thirty in the God Damn Morning!! again nothing... fully enraged and prescription sedated Susanne sprang into the perfect jogging mechanics learned from "Chad" the family Trainer on retainer, In full stride Susanne passed her daughter snatching a mysterious jar from her hand before making a roadblock of her outstretched limbs. Diana!! Susanne cried, stop it, knock it off right now, startled and unwilling to break character Diana replied; why howdy Ma, what brings you round these parts? Upon landing an open handed right hook to her Daughter's cheek Misses Glampers asked for the third time, what are you doing, and whatever could you be straddling that Broom for? Awww Mom, this is Trotsee my Horse partner and we are headed for adventure, Reckon we are gonna....SMACK, another shot lands, this time to the left cheek, unlike the first hook this was the sobering blow that dropped the cowgirl act and gave Susanne her full attention. DIANA, stay away from the brooms! they are not Horses, they are to be used by the help and the help only, and for the last time stop eating the Glitter Glue, But Moooom interrupted Diana, it makes everything taste pretty, and when I get sick the toilet gets all shiny. I do not care Diana, no more eating the Glitter Glue, no exceptions, now go back to bed.
Ted Glampers; Father to three practicing lawyers, a humble Chiropractor, and The Handicapper General Diana Moon Glampers. Being the President of New York's Federal Reserve Bank and most recently the Secretary of Treasury for the United States the Glampers family hardly concerned themselves with money, all Glampers were entitled to an ivy league education before they could spell education, no Glampers would ever want for anything, all except Diana. She could not spell education until her mid Thirties after the work of countless medical specialists, she would forever be unable to enjoy the privileges of wealth and success, that would be reason enough for Susanne to quit her Cosmetic Surgery practice to care for Diana full time.
Once an understanding and routine of Diana's condition was reached Susanne would quickly find work with a non profit clinical research team, or what socially conservative Ted referred to as: "Hippy work". Susanne never gave reason for her change of career, most assumed she discovered the need to help with the greater good inside her, but most likely she was burdened by her family history of mental illness. The Glampers were of such superior and well documented Genes, how could she ever admit to her husband the treasurer and close friend of the President himself that her Moon blood had tainted the noble Glampers line.
Convenient enough for Diana, or Teds political endeavors, the future had become equal, in the year 2081 everyone had fully adjusted to amendments 211-213 changes. Everyone was wearing their handicaps, no one was smarter, stronger, or more attractive than anyone, everyone wore a handicap, everyone except Diana Moon Glampers, her mental illness was her weightless handicap, and having a non restricting handicap made her a perfect fit for the position of Handicapper General, or so Ted claimed in his pitch to his golf pal Chuck, the President. "Even with a mental illness Diana can stumble across clarity in judgment we cannot with our handicaps".
While Susanne publicly protested her Daughters appointment, she secretly felt redemption for her family secret, she often wondered would Ted keep her if he knew, if he was privy to such a shameful blemish, would he? he couldn't. For three years The office of the handicapper General was what seemed to be the type of "no show" job that was popular with the Teamsters and Organized Crime every handicapped child learned about in their history books at an equal pace. Everyone seemed to like the new laws, there was almost nothing to govern. Within the first month of nothing Diana made her first executive decision, she ordered her permanently empty inbox rigged as another outbox. While nothing urgent ever reached her desk she was flooded with pictures torn from coloring books in need of shipping. Years went by, nothing ever came, but the pictures of pretty kittens and rainbows always went out, each one with increasing amounts of glitter and disregard for coloring within the lines.
The future for the Glampers had never seemed so bright, if Diana, their secret liability was functioning normally in society then handicaps were truly a blessing. How could Susanne or any Glampers disagree? Who would ever want to revisit the dark ages of competition and who would wish for poor Diana to live in difference to anyone? that much was clear to everyone, even Diana, she was aware if everyone wasn't equal then she would be the black sheep, her existence would become that of medications and treatment, she would never see Trotsee again and her crayons would surely be taken from her. So when news broke of Young Harrison Bergeron and his willful defiance of the law; the position of Handicapper General suddenly became necessary and Diana did what she had to, less the loading of a double barreled ten gauge shotgun, Susanne helped with that.
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